23.1 A theory of interrupted feelings
The stories told in the chapter of
brothers and sisters show that this is a compound and difficult topic to be
confronted with. Exploring this subject in my opinion shows the need for much
further investigation in order to understand and help those involved. I have
found very little research related to this subject, but will mention one study
which I have found relevant even though the focus is not on sexual abuse but schizophrenia. Kristoffersen and Mustard (2000) have
carried out a study to identify the central feelings involved when one’s
sibling is victimized. In this study there were 16 participants who had
brothers and sisters who were schizophrenic. I have not been able to find similar
research on the sufferings of siblings of victims of sexual abuse. They
conclude that there are several factors that determine the way brothers or
sisters feel about their schizophrenic sibling. Siblings cannot withdraw from
the situation and end the relationship the same way that, for example, married
couples can. Siblings are bound by the close ties of kinship to the individual
who is ill. The various emotions that arise in relation to the sick brother or
sister are difficult to separate from each other, and can be understood as
mixed feelings. The experience of mixed feelings can be difficult to understand
both for the individual and the community. This can cause feelings of
loneliness, with no possibility of being understood by others. Kristoffersen
and Mustard (2000) have developed a theory of interrupted feelings in their
study and argue that feelings of grief, hope, anger, guilt and shame are
interrupted by four factors: a confusing loss; the random nature of the process
of the sickness; inner prohibitions; and being excluded by the community. These
factors can lead to loneliness and painful feelings that are difficult to work
through and to communicate to others. Hiding the feelings from oneself can
create an underlying sadness, which may influence the person’s possibilities
for growth and development. If the feelings are understood, worked through and
shared with others, the experience can strengthen the person. Most individuals
will experience both the negative and positive effects at the same time. In my
opinion, a similar study should be conducted within the context of sexual abuse
to verify their theory of interrupted feeling can be used. Siblings need help
to take back their feelings and be permitted to feel grief, hope, anger, guilt
and shame without being interrupted by a confusing loss; the random nature of
the process of the sickness; inner prohibitions; and being cancelled out by the
community. This seems in my opinion to be a task where the Incest Centre
already is involved and gives help to many family member who have experienced
sexual abuse in there families.
This section has focused on shame in relation to brothers and sisters.
Linda tells us about her brother who abused her sexually throughout her
childhood. They have not spoken of the abuse since it stopped, even though he
has asked for forgiveness. Seeing her brother fills her with disgust. Olga has
a son who has shown signs of shame about having a father who abused his sister.
There seems to be little research on this topic and it is important in my
opinion that more work is done on the subject. Many victims of sexual abuse
have brothers and sisters who might also feel shame because of the abuse. Their
shame needs to be worked through and shared with others.
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